Cursed Memories

[faolwan13]

I look around me hoping the oracle isn't around. Just thinking about her sends shivers up my spine. My eyes search around and I sigh with relief. She's no where to be seen. My body relaxes and I decide to roam around the outside of the castle.

The sky above me is dark and the stars shine brightly through the black sky. The wind ruffles through my fur. I think I might be camouflaging against the darkness.

I'm a black panther after all and my pelt is midnight black. The one thing you would probably see though, are my eyes. Green. That's their color, green like the trees around me. I smell tells me there were other felines in the same spot I'm standing in earlier today.

My mind wanders to thinking what might lay beyond any of these territories that are fighting against each other, just for power and safety. If they didn't fight in the first place, imagine how peaceful this world would be. I wonder what it's like on the stars, they are one of the most beautiful things in the world. I'd hate to think that they carry death and destruction.

I continue walking along the outside of the castle and come upon a strangely shaped rock. It's shape kind of resembled that of a mouse crossed with an eagle, the ones who roam the sky. I notice my mind wandering again and try to focus on this strange rock.
How odd..., I think. My paw hits the rock and it goes across the dirt.

I started playing with the small, strange rock, tossing it back to each of my paws and hitting it across the ground and chasing after it. How silly I must look. An over-sized, six-year-old, female black panther, playing. I suddenly stop and am ashamed I acted like a young cub. I can't just do nothing, can I? No. Otherwise, I'd be bored out of my mind.

I step over towards a small puddle and look at myself. My hatred for my parents came and I started to show my teeth. I look so much like them both. I can't. I won't turn into them. I turn my neck and look at the ground beside me and start to tear up. The painful memories flash through my brain.

I was young and kind, as I am now. I was playing with my friend and I didn't want to play fight, like usual. Except for this time, he asked me why. I told him it was because I didn't want to hurt him. My mother noticed and she had told my father.

When my friend left, they punished me for being nice. They clawed at my face, which resulted in the scar on my cheek. The pain was too terrible to bare. I didn't dare tell anyone though because otherwise my mother would have told the oracle to put a curse on me.

Then it happened again, only this time they went for my stomach. That hurt more than when they clawed my face. There abuse effected me, and now everytime I look in the water, those painful memories come back.

I wasn't thinking when I stared into that puddle. I forgot about them, like I had ment to; by looking in there, I brought the memories back. They told me if I told anyone that they abused me, they would get the oracle to curse me, but just their memories are enough to create a curse that was never really mentioned.

I run away from the puddle, trying my hardest to run away from the memories, but they were like a nightmare. They stick to your mind forever.
Maybe if I go hunting it'll take my mind off of it. I think, but deep inside of me, I know it won't.

I suddenly realize, I was blindly running. I had no idea were I was going, but now that I look around, I notice that I'm at the back of the castle. My final descision was to sit in the shadows of the castle and mourn. My paws take me to a hole in the wall, that didn't quite make it's way into the castle and I sit there, my head in my paws. Mourning for those memories to leave me forever.

[Paxx]

Paxx wandered, wandered aimlessly about the castle grounds. The sky was painted black, and her nocturnal instincts kicked in. Her usual rounds of spiritual relief and mapping the patterns of the night sky were complete. Usually she did not finish her work until dawn, but on this night the spirits were kind, and gave her something she often didn't experience: free time.
Paxx couldn't help but study the stars, lost in their patterns, they reminded her of her childhood. Paxx grew up in a temple, studying magic and astrology. Her master and herself often studied the stars late at night with the large spiritual snow leaped she called 'teacher'.
The dark castle of the felines became her home, and she marked her territory as her own. Of course, it belonged to the chief, but in her mind, a part of it was hers, for she was the bridge between spirits and mortal world. The castle was in her first year stay was a playground, but it had evolved into a home, a home she greatly appreciated.
The feline stalked around the castle, hidden in the shadows, her white coat had no chance of blending in, but her rose like spots were black as a midnight paint. The rosettes stained her fur and did an excellent job at merging her deep into the black background.
The castle was dark, but the moon light glowed outside creating a scene plastered with a mixture of light and dark.
The cat made her way outside, her thick coat and body hugged the walls, as if hiding from others. The cat was afraid of other cats, as her anti social attitude kept her away from others, except for the chief. Her solitude of a life was created back in the temples, as she never once in her youth played with others.
The cat slipped outside, wanting to make sure all was In order in 'her' kingdom. Everything seemed fine, until she spotted the thick figure slinking ahead of her. It was almost difficult to see the creature, it's pelt was dark black, but her night vision made it easy to see the creeping feline. Part of Paxx wanted to run and hide, but her duties of protecting spiritual grounds came before her fears of 'being social'.
The cat snuck up quickly and silently behind the slinking black cat, and as she did a hiss escaped her muzzle.
"What are you doing here."

[faolwan13]

I was laying down my head on my paws. My eyes catch something movin, but I can't hear it. Whatever it is. I don't look back because I think my eyes are just playing tricks on me. My mourning was still on going.

That's when I hear it. I finally hear the thing creeping behind me.
It hissed out a couple of words, "What are you doing here?"
My heart was pounding because I suddenly realized I wasn't alone. My head rose and my eyes became wide with fear and I was frozen with fear. The only words that came, were in my head.

The...the...the o-oracle; P-p-p-paxx! I even stuttered in my brain. I had to answer her but my fear was too overwhelming. The oracle first scared me because she caught me by surprise. Now, now that I know she's the mysterious, snow leopard Paxx, our oracle, I'm frightened to my very marrow.

I took a huge gulp and blinked a couple times just to be sure I was seeing this feline right, to see if it really was Paxx. I was. Now that I've moved I can't pretend to be stiff again and my physical body won't let me, but my words are caught on the line. What was I going to say? That I've been out here the whole time and now I'm sitting in this hole mourning? No.

I wouldn't tell her about my past. She'll probably figure it out later anyway. She might know if I lie though.
I finally bring up a lie anyway though and say it, "I-I was just resting, Paxx."
I tried to make my voice sound as convincing as possible and hoped she didn't see the lie from some otherworldly place that lay inside of her dark mind.

I raised from the ground and I was standing 6 inches above her. It kind of made me feel like a giant and I hated the fact that I was this big because I intimidate some people; that's why I was chosen to be a warrior, because of my size.

My eyes lay on the oracle's fur. She had a beautiful pelt but I'm pretty sure that oracles are very into dark magics. I've also heard somewhere that they can speak and understand spirits, which makes me even more afraid of them.

[Paxx]

Her ears flicked. A classic Paxx move, her ears seemed to be the soul of her body, always flicking and twitching. They would mean alot of things: aggression, fear, spirits flowing through her, and aspersions. Paxx's eyes were piercing, deep blue, and we're filled with dark corners.
Paxx lowered herself to the ground, resting her bottom onto the damp--as usual-- ground. Her ears twitched. She looked the panther up and down, examining the feline. The panther was large, for a female, which puzzled the snow leopard. Her low hiss escaped from her muzzle in a constant stream. Her breast collar was out stretched and her fur puffed up, making her look larger than she actually was. The oracle could sense the large cat was of strong nature, a warrior.
Paxx's tail twitched back and forth, side to side, puzzled as to why the cat would be near her spiritual grounds. This west wing of the castle was filled to the brim with spirits and deep magic, the presence of an outsider could easily anger the spirits.
As the large cat spoke, Paxx could easily feel how afraid the cat was. The cat was moving its breath up and down in inconstant patterns, it's eyes wide and moving constantly from all directions, avoiding eye contact. The feline: was lying.
"you lie, panther. What are you doing in these Spiritual grounds. The chief, I know did not give permission to, warriors to be here..." Paxx lifted herself off the ground, and slinked around the feline slowly. Her belly slid across the ground, keeping very low.
Yes, Paxx hated confrontations, hated speaking to others. It made her feel, odd. Paxx knew she couldn't just slip away, she had already approached the panther. For good reason too, her spiritual needs for those passed on could be shattered with an uneducated feline. Part of her wanted to run off, but as scared as this kitty was, it gave her a sense of power, something she loved to dip her paws in every now and then, power.
Her ears twitched.

[faolwan13]

Paxx was looking me up and down and I didn't dare move. Even though, it felt a little unpleasant to know the oracle was looking at me. It frightened me because for all I knew she could have been doing a spell of some sort. She could be making my very blood boil at this very moment. I wouldn't know though, I was too scared.

Paxx's tail started to twitch as she sat in front of and it seemed as though I were annoying her just for me to be here. I was a little bit convinced that my lie had worked until she spoke,
"You lie, panther. What are you doing in these Spiritual grounds. The chief, I know did not give permission to, warriors to be here."

In the very presence of Paxx, I felt intimidated. Usually it was I who was the intimidater. Not this time, she's one of my worst fears and her speak sent a shiver up my spine. Paxx picked herself up off of the ground and slunk around me, slowly, and as she slunk around me, her ears began to twitch.

Maybe I could get out of here before she really did damage to me...or cursed me. I felt weak, it felt like I couldn't even bring down a mouse right now. My voice started to shiver, quietly across the ground,
"I shouldn't be here, I think I shall leave." I looked at my paws as I spoke, trying not to make any eye contact, what so ever.

I wondered where I would go once I left. If I did leave that is, alive. Even if she didn't hurt me, it felt like I would just drop dead because of fear. If that didn't happen, I would probably have brutal nightmares for days on end. With the precise hearing of a feline, you could hear my heart beat, booming in my chest.

I tried to calm myself or lower the sound of my heart beat, but neither options were working. I suddenly noticed where my tail was, low to the ground. It was on the verge of being between my legs.
No. Don't show fear, try to show confidence, I thought. I closed my eyes and thought of one word only, which went through my head.

Superior. That was the word that bounced through the inside of my skull. I breathed in, then out and with it some of my showing fear. My tail raised slightly, now just brushing the ground, the tip curled up. My head raised and a started to walk away.

[Paxx]

Paxx could feel the fear from the panther give off like heat. She looked at the cat, and realized that this feline was almost in some sort of trance, frightened to the point that it would make assumptions about Paxx. As Paxx made her way back around the cat she watched its eyes; the widows to the soul, fear filled her, and Paxx could feel some sort of pain side her; some kind of cursed memories of some kind.
This cat was troubled, this cat had obviously gone through something. Her ears twitched. A part of Paxx wanted to reach out to the scared feline, but she did not want to scare her eve more. It seemed as if her presence was enough to make the cat quake with fear. Another part of her wanted to make peace and go about her buisness, but something inside her said differently.
"You have had troubles in your past, haven't you.The panther was leaving, and Paxx turned her head back over her shoulders to see the cat. Whether it responded to her or not, she felt proud of herself for atleast giving it a shot.
Her ears twitched as she watched the cat go, with her fluffy tail making a constant rotating around her lower body. Wondering if the poor feline had any confidence to make a reply.

[faolwan13]

As I was walking away, I heard a voice whisper throughout the air around me. It was Paxx's voice.
"You have had troubles in your past, haven't you?" Is what she asked.
I planned not to tell her but I guess she may have already found out. She'd probably do some strange voodoo to me or something if I lied.
I turn towards her, looked her in the eyes and said, "I have, when I was just a cub."

I turned my whole body around and looked at the ground, I couldn't hold her eye contact for any longer; it felt uncomfortable. I decided, though, that I would stay for only a little bit longer because I think she might say more, and she'd probably want me to answer.

It felt like Paxx was actually trying to help me. My fear? Trying to help me? It was strange but I went along with it anyway. After all, it could be useful if she was getting somewhere with this.

The wind seemed like it stopped moving and the stars were shining even brighter now. It seemed like when Paxx tried helping people, everything just got a little better. If only she would help the king be more peaceful...but with his ego, I don't think it's going to happen.

I decided to tell her a little about what happened when I was younger, but my eyes grew sick with longing. Longing, for it to never had happened.
"Well, if you don't mind, I'll tell you the story." I say, and without her reply, I start, "When I was just a cub I would play with my best friend frequently, but I would never playfight with him.
'Why' he asked me.
I told him it was because I didn't want to hurt anyone. Once he left, my mother had found out about it and she told me she wanted me to be strong; she told me I was too kind. The next time I played with my friend I told him no again and that resulted in punishment from my mother, she clawed me." I turn my head and show Paxx the scar on my jaw and continued the story, "I kept doing the same thing and she kept punishing me, beating me, she told me I never learned. I told her that I didn't want to be barbaric, I wanted to be kind, and that made her angry, so she went for my stomach.
I also wasn't aloud to tell anyone about her beatings, otherwise, she'd get you to put one of the most horrible curses on me."
I looked at the ground then said, "That's where my fear of you came from."

I felt a little bit good to get it out of my system. I had those terrible memories curled up inside me for 5 years now. Everytime I look in puddles I get reminded of the pain I suffered. I lay down with my head in my paws, you could tell I was depressed just by my eyes.

[Paxx]

Paxx looked at the panther with wide eyes. Wide eyes that seemed to tell a story. What kind of story, no one could be for certain. The cat was mysterious, and the kind of story that she would hold, was something that no one would be able to find out, just by looking at her.
Paxx listened quietly to the panther, with close intent and attention. She really did listen, she was not like other cats that would turn their noses away and ignore the panther. Her ears flickered constantly through her story. At the same time of listening to the panther, she did her best to also listen to the spirits, they did not like the other feline so close to their grounds, and wanted her out, but Paxx wanted to help this creature, for it seemed as if it needed help. For a rare occasion, the spirits could wait 5 minutes.
Yes, Paxx did not like other felines, she tended to try and stay as far away from most of them as she possibly could. But when the idea of helping one came about, she felt as if it was her job to lend some kind of advise. The Feline listened, through the entire story before she spoke.
"My dear, kit. There is no reason to dwell on the past, the past is as forgotten as most spirits. Lost in the deep night sky. You cannot continue to live if you do not know how to forgive the past. you can't change it, so it is best to learn from it. and move along.
Paxx paused, taking a moment to look into the panthers eyes, she did not perceive herself as being a something of fear, but she got this often, it was not uncommon for young and old felines to fear the powers of her dark magic.
A deep shadow was casted around Paxx, giving her more coverage against the black midnight sky. The one thing that could be easily seen was her rich blue eyes, that cut through the dark like a butter knife.
"...As for me. panther, you have no need to fear the oracle. I live to make your world easier, the spirits are not to be feared, but respected."
The blue in Paxx's eyes suddenly disappeared, as if she was devoured by the blackness that was the night, it seemed as if she had dissolved, into nothing. Where did the feline go off to?
Words suddenly broke through the moment of silence that hung between the felines, the words came from behind the panther this time.
"I am not a monster...I am not a creature to be feared, I am different; yes. A bridge, yes. Someone to be looked upon with respect, just so the spirits. I am not to be feared young Panther." Her ears twitched, and her blue eyes burned behind the panther, with a purr hanging quietly in the breeze between them gently.

[faolwan13]

As I was telling my story, Paxx had been flicking her ears back and forth. That seemed to be her signature move, I've noticed. She was continuously flicking her ears. Wonder why she does that. Maybe thing bug her ears; I don't know.

She did pay close attention to me though. It was nice; someone listening to me. I never really thought of the oracle as a listener before, but that was because she scared my bones out of my body. It was all my parents fault, causing me such terror. I never ever came even six feet close to her.

After I finished my story, she was giving me a word of adivice, "My dear, kit. There is no reason to dwell on the past, the past is as forgotten as most spirits. Lost in the deep night sky. You cannot continue to live if you do not know how to forgive the past. you can't change it, so it is best to learn from it. and move along."

Paxx stared into my eyes, and I stared back. I was ashamed of myself for not realizing any bit of this earlier. I was kind of thankful to be around the oracle now. No longer terrified. Although, her dark magic and voodoo was still as mysterious as always to me.

And I would always hate my parents, though, no matter what.
It seemed Paxx wasn't finished talking to me and she continued,"...And as for me, panther, you have no need to fear the oracle. I live to make your world easier, the spirits are not to be feared, but respected."

I thought about what she said for a minute and something dawned on me. The oracle was trying to help me, or maybe she might just be gaining my trust for some voodoo thing of hers. I tensed back up. I felt my head sink slightly lower. And then, behind me came a voice,

"I am not a monster...I am not a creature to be feared, I am different; yes. A bridge, yes. Someone to be looked upon with respect, just so the spirits. I am not to be feared young Panther."
I jumped at the voice, it felt as if it's words were sinking into my heart and soul and chilling them. Toturing me of coldness but somehow, the voice seemed trusting.

My muscles relaxed slightly but I was still just a little suspicious of the oracle, as I have been always. She seemed wise, though. A strange want suddenly popped through me. What if she could teach me her magics? I could learn from her. Maybe I could even learn from the spirits and let them touch my soul.

I, suddenly, felt very interested in the oracle, named Paxx. Her name now whispered in my head, but not fearfully. It whispered in my brain delightedly.
"Paxx, would you teach me the ways?" I ask.

[Paxx]

"The ways."
It was then that Paxx began to loose her senses. 'learn the ways.' this feline. This feline was obviously not educated when it came to her spirits. What kind of animal would be insulting her spirits. Surely, the panther did mean well, but as the oracle: the one who could speak the spirits demands, be the bridge, and feel the winds, this was almost an insult.
Paxx was a solitary feline, spending a majority of her time alone, keeping away from many of the other, not wanting to be around any but herself. The winds and spirits that filled her body were ever changing. They came and went, doing as they pleased, often speaking through Paxx. Her job required her full most attention, the need to be ready if a spirit was in need. There was little down time to the felines duties, and when there was it was almost a dull existence.
The leopard lowered her head, as if hunting the panther for her next meal. A low growl escaped the contents of her mouth, in no way was the growl aggressive, but could have come out as that.
Her attitude was as changing as the wind, the very little of things could send her into her odd ways. As she examined the feline her ears twitched once more, and then again.
She sniffed the air, breathing in what sort of beings had marked the air with magic and curses. This panther was clear of any sort of magic, and had not once seen something even some what mythical. With the very smell of the feline she could feel in her marrow; this being was a dunce when it came to the magical winds.
"You wish me to teach you my 'ways'. By ways, what could you mean. Do you mean the ways of my magic? Clearly you have not been told that in order to do thus magic, you must be born with it; magic does not grow on the wetland trees, my kit. My ears can tell me you do not know of the past, and in order to be taught, you must know. Her ears twitched at their very mention. She looked at the Panther, up and down. She really did wish to help, but she defended her stand with all of her might.
The oracle. Do you know what that means, my kit? I speak to the dead, I breathe for the dead, the spirits have eyes, and ears,kit. The bridge between our worlds is made of a fine line; and that line is over come with a single being. The only living bridge at a time would be my master's oracle; which is where i come to play. The oracle gave a mock bow, she did not have much affection to wards her own self, but did have great respect for her rank and duty to wards it.
'Magic' is a strong thing. Something that can easily go to a felines head. Something not to be taken lightly. My voodoo is something I take pride in, why, your bones could be broken now; and you wouldn't even know how or why...I don't believe you understand the scale of which I speak. you have the confidence in yourself as a warrior, but a weak and spoiled mind. I don't know if you are ready for such responsibilities. There are only few who wish to have the Oracle's ways...